I have recently set aside the chick lit, fantasy, mystery and any fiction genre novels really, to make time to read parenting books. I have come to appreciate how USEFUL they can be for this whole parenting gig, and I have been asking myself why I hadn’t read them sooner. And it’s not just a matter of being practically applicable. Reading about the experiences of others who have been in similar parenting situations to mine gives me comfort. As amazing as parenthood is, we all know how lonely it can feel sometimes. It just feels reassuring to know that however tested I feel, I am not alone in feeling frazzled.

I know we can read similar content online, but if you know me, you will know that I love the feel of a real book and a screen just does not compare. Reading things in a book just makes me feel all the more in tune and connected than reading on the internet, however contradictory that sounds.

There was so much I could relate to in No Bad Kids: toddler discipline without shame by Janet Lansbury. And in turn, I learnt so much.

In this book of essays, she shares several of her responses to parents who had reached out to her for advice on a variety of different parenting topics (AKA daily battles we have with our children). She speaks a lot of sense in regards to the respectful approach. It was so eye-opening to consider the question, why do we often talk to our children in a way we would never even think to speak to an adult? Through Janet’s writing I also discovered the teachings of Magda Gerber, her mentor and pioneer in respectful parenting.

One of the things I love most about CB’s personality is how strong-willed she is. I hope that it means she will grow up to be an assertive, confident, young lady. But in the meantime, as much as I adore her strong spirit, it can be challenging at times when she pushes me to my limits. And boy, does she know how to push my limits.

From Janet’s book, I learnt that children tend to push boundaries in this way for the sake of testing how far they can go before their parent draws the line. They want us to set the boundaries, clearly. They seek comfort in knowing that their parent knows what they are doing, that they are confident enough to tell them when enough is enough, what is acceptable and what is not. In a respectful way, of course. This made me realise that I had been looking at it all wrong. I was becoming upset and frazzled everytime CB would push the boundaries, expecting her to understand, but the problem was my reaction. I had to become more confident and “unruffled” (which happens to be the name of another book by Janet Lansbury) which would reassure her that I am being the strong adult she needs me to be.

It’s easier said than done though. If you are a toddler parent you will know how incredibly difficult it is to stay calm and collected at times, especially when you are faced with the umpteenth tantrum of the day. But believe me, I’ve tried it, and it truly makes the world of difference. And over time it gets easier to remain unruffled. Of course there is a lot more to it, such as acknowledging and validating your child’s feelings whilst helping your toddler understand that you too are a person with needs. If you read the book you’ll gain a better idea of how to foster these respectful principles in both you and your child.

The short chapters and breakdown of invaluable advice within them, as well as success stories from parents, make for a great and easy read. I definitely recommend this if you are a parent of a toddler and find yourself at the deep end!

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I always like to look up the author after I finish a book. I find it fascinating to learn about the life of the person behind the words. Usually this is for fictional work, but it’s just as interesting, if not more, finding out about what leads an individual to write about a particular real-life topic.

So it intrigued me to learn that prior to writing about parenting, Janet Lansbury had been an actress and model during the 80s! Fun Fact: the internet even tells me that she is related to Angela Lansbury (who I recognise from Murder, She Wrote, AND the most bizarre coincidental fact of all, that I came across searching all this, is that of all places, Angela Lansbury grew up in my hometown!).

But as interesting as that all is, what’s most important is where Janet’s advice stems from. After welcoming her first child into the world and facing the unexpected challenges of motherhood, she came across the parenting outlook of Magda Gerber by chance and it had a profound impact on her. She then started attending classes run by RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers), an organisation established by Magda herself. Motivated by these philosophies and her real-life experiences in applying them, Janet began training as a professional herself within the RIE organisation and graduated as a certified Parent/Infant Guidance Class Instructor. I’m really looking forward to learning more about her parenting experiences through her other books.

I borrowed this book from the Muscat Mums Book Library (read more about Muscat Mums on this blogpost or visit their website). You can also order it via Amazon.