First off, social isolation during these times of COVID-19 and the isolation experienced by expatriates are not the same at all. These uncertain times we are living in, these feelings of fear, have, of course, never been experienced by anyone of our generation before.
However, these all-too-familiar feelings of loneliness, the longing for interaction with family and friends, us expats are certainly no strangers to. If you are, or have been, an expat in a country you have not been in for very long, chances are you will have felt isolated at some point. The current situation has made me reflect on this. So I thought I would share some pointers for how to deal with some of the challenges that may be faced. Perhaps it will help someone who is new to expat life, or even someone who is just generally finding social isolation and distancing especially difficult.
(Please note, I don’t always practise what I preach, but I like to preach all the same, just as most people do.)
1. Keep in touch
Try not to let the distance get in the way of your relationships with friends and family by making the most of technology. It’s not quite the same as being together in person, but those daily video calls will ensure you do not miss out on each others’ lives. Time flies, and life passes you by, so make sure to hold onto those special connections when you can. You may be far apart physically, but really you are only a call away for one another. As expats, we rely on these technologies everyday for comfort, and now, sadly, many others have joined us in this dependency, due to the pandemic.
Unfortunately, in some countries, including Oman, it can be a struggle to make these calls work. This is because some areas can have weak internet connections, and certain VoIP (Voice over Internet Protocol) applications i.e. apps that enable video calling (e.g. Skype, Viber, WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger etc.) are blocked nationwide. The reason for this is said to be to reduce the loss local telephone network providers would potentially make as a result of the population using these other “free” services. This makes absolutely no sense to me because this doesn’t seem to be the case in other countries where the apps are not blocked. But it is what it is. Here’s hoping they will become unblocked in Oman at some point in the future, especially in response to the situation the world is facing currently. Actually, Zoom has been unblocked for this reason and Microsoft Teams is also available for use for work purposes. Imo is always a hit and miss. There are other “roundabout” methods, but it’s probably best for me not to discuss those – I’m sure you’ll work it out for yourself at some point anyway!
2. Make time for meaningful conversations
It’s nice to talk to loved ones, virtually, throughout the day while you are getting on with your daily activities, but when you are multi-tasking you are unable to talk in depth or have a proper conversation. Whilst doing other things, you can’t give each other your full attention. Personally, I think making some time in those spare moments to talk, really talk, and listen, to each other makes it a little bit more meaningful. I try to do this after my toddler is off to the land of nod, and it’s nice just to go to sleep after this call with my family, without interruptions, no matter how brief.
When the connection is poor though, which is the case sometimes here, it can get really frustrating. It will feel like the person on the other end is not listening but the reality is they simply cannot hear you as well as you think they can. Just try your best to not let this get to you and perhaps try and find an app that works better, or a time when your internet connection is at an optimum speed – I usually find this is best late at night when there is less traffic. Hopefully the time difference with the country you are calling will not be an issue here! Technology is also advancing as I type this, so I remain hopeful that with time this will no longer be a problem.
The other thing I would mention is that group calls should not be the only type of call you make if your intention is to keep in touch. I feel as if this has become the latest trend since the pandemic started. It’s great and all, and can be good fun when you are looking to just say hi and see a few friendly faces together, have some banter and play games. But I find that that’s the extent of these calls. Sometimes I also find it uncomfortable (being my awkward self) when I can’t get a word in edgeways because I don’t wish to interrupt the other people talking, and then end up looking like the socially awkward person that I am. All the while I’m trying to compose myself and simultaneously entertain my toddler or if I’m not then in my head I’m thinking ‘I’m losing time to get all the other things done on my to-do list while I sit here like a lemon and wait for my chance to talk’. So yeah, group calls can be fun (at times), but don’t prioritise them over one-to-one conversations – which don’t even have to be over a call if you can’t manage this, just making the effort to send a message makes all the difference.
3. Visit your home country as often as you can
…whilst balancing your family life and commitments. This is a difficult one because at times you may be away from your partner when you are visiting your home country, depending on their work schedules. This is where technology comes in again, except you would be calling your partner this time. Expat life can be particularly hard in this way, so you do need to be strong and you do need to make an effort both ways.
After getting married, I was a long way away from home, literally on the other side of the world. So coming to Oman soon after, was a blessing for me, in the sense that I could travel back and forth to my home country a lot more often and a lot more easily. Of course, this doesn’t mean much in the current situation, since air travel is at a standstill worldwide. I just pray we get past this so I can see my family soon.
4. Go outside of your comfort zone, make an effort to go the extra mile, but remind yourself of who is important
As an expat, you definitely have to make an effort to socialise and make friends. If you remain isolated and begin avoiding being around other people, your social skills will gradually decline. I know this from experience. You need to make a conscious effort to interact with others, for the sake of your mental wellbeing, if not for anything else.
At first, your network will be limited to your colleagues and/or your partner’s colleagues and their families. In my case, this interaction was a little difficult. Although they are a lovely group, I come from a different background, upbringing and generation so despite my best efforts I could not quite “click” with them in the way they were connecting to each other. This made me feel isolated in the early days and I knew I had to reach out to find more opportunities to broaden my social circle and find friends, that perhaps I could connect to on another level.
Honestly, I was desperate to make friends. I still am really. I felt the distance growing with my friends back home, despite my efforts to keep in touch. They were moving on, in their lives, careers and social circles and I missed them, I missed being surrounded by them. Being unemployed did not help either.
But little by little things were changing. Pre-baby we had a short-lived (in-person) but great friendship with a group of amazing people we had met by coincidence. Interestingly, some of these friends, although residents, had been born and brought up in Oman! Sadly, within two years of meeting them, they all relocated to different parts of the world. I guess that is the reality of expat life; people come and go. But we remain in touch and they do visit sometimes – I look forward to another reunion some day soon.
My little girl also helped by giving me opportunities to meet other mums. I joined networks, clubs and social media groups, volunteered and attended events. You may wish to read my other posts such as Muscat Mums and Moms & Tots at Yellow Submarine for more on this. Being proactive in this way will allow you to meet more people – and you will always need to make an effort to introduce yourself. I sought like-minded individuals but in retrospect this wasn’t necessary. It’s nice to find friends who are different – you just need to be able to connect in some way. And at this point it wasn’t just about me anymore. Rather, the focus had shifted to my child – I did not want her to miss out on opportunities to make friends herself. I met mums at children’s play centres and exchanged numbers to keep in touch with friendly people I talked to during plane journeys. I had this idea of hosting a block party too, for which I was planning to go around all the apartments in our building with my daughter to invite the other mums and children round to ours. Unfortunately, the pandemic halted these plans for us. This sounds crazy but I even met up with people I had met over the internet, outside and on several occasions I invited some of them to come in and have a chat in my home. Of course, I had met these ladies online through locally based social media groups, so I knew (or was quite confident) that it was fairly safe to meet them in person. But it’s not something I would have ever done before.
I learnt over time that I can give it my all, but if someone doesn’t want to get to know me or be friends with me, then that’s fine. I’ve definitely “reached out” with new people I have met and when attempting to keep in touch with friends from my former years. This has resulted in a lot of one-sided conversations, times where I have felt like a misfit, times where I have felt isolated due to the “cliqueness” of others, replies that haven’t met my level of enthusiasm, and times where I have realised people I regard as friends just see me as an acquaintance. It’s made me understand that it’s nice for me to make all of this effort for others, but I must not lose sight of those precious few who make the effort for me. I’m blessed to have you all in my life.
5. Have structure in your day
Expat life [usually] means mummy on her own for the day with the little one(s) while daddy is at work. Or the other way round even! When you are home all day by yourself (and the little humans you are responsible for), it can be tempting to fall into the habit of sleeping late and waking up late. You may think that getting in the hours of sleep is good enough, no matter when, but this just doesn’t work for some reason and my dark circles are a testimony for this. You also feel more energetic and will find you accomplish a lot more when you wake up early. The word ‘Barakah’ (blessing from God) in Islam, is often associated with time and waking up early (for prayer) and I think this applies just as well to the rest of the day if you start it early. Also, you cannot sleep when your children sleep, there is simply too much to do – I know this too well – so do the next best thing and organise your day in an effective way e.g. by using naps to your advantage.
Side note: Making to-do lists for everything is my way of life. I have also come up with the idea of ‘The Next Three Things’ which I follow to help me with motherhood (especially my mum brain). This is exactly what it says on the tin: keeping in mind the next three things to do. I need to patent this idea.
6. Make the most of the here and now
Embrace your new life. When else will you have all of this freedom and independence? Ensure that when you first arrive, you can get around by yourself – this will be key to making the most of your expat experience. If you have not arrived with a job secured and would like to work, there are many ways in which you can try to find a job. Some of my other posts such as How to obtain a driving license in Muscat, Using taxis in Muscat and Finding a job in Muscat may be useful to refer to. The other important thing to consider is the area you will reside in. Choosing an area with a community feel, with a beach/park/mall/some sort of community hub nearby in walking distance, will make all the difference in enriching your quality of life. It will help you to form social ties with people you may become good friends with, and allow opportunities for your children to interact with other little ones. Personally, I have had barriers in regards to these three things in my expat journey so far, so I haven’t been able to experience life in Muscat the same way others have. Sometimes I feel as if I am here, but not really here. But I shouldn’t be ungrateful – Alhamdulillah for our home and all the good times we have had here.
Explore the country, discover new things, meet people from all over the world. Unfortunately, for now, you can only do these things virtually or from your car window, but let’s stay hopeful that this is not the case for long. We were not even aware there was a country called Oman, let alone how beautiful it is, before my husband received his job offer. Now we know that Oman is a hidden gem and has so much to offer both its citizens and expatriate residents.
I hope my advice was useful and this post reaches out to someone and helps them in some way.
May your expat life be happy and joyful!
Mumma in Muscat 